Three ways I’ve learned to be calm, yet utterly confident


Like a surgeon, I’ve cut at myself to remove doubt and fear. I liken it to cutting because it takes an utter and relentless, fearlessness to go past your inner comforts, to the place where you lie to yourself over and over and then to stop that lying dead in it’s tracks, by either cutting or fighting it with all you have, to be able to learn calmness and confidence by default.

I’ve done so in three ways.

ONE

I learned about my origins and my end.

If you don’t know who you are or where you’re going, you’re never going to have your compass calibrated. Your navigation will always be off. People can poke fun, mock, sneer at religion as much as they want, but nothing aligns a human in the right direction as good as a decent attachment to a religious practise.

Here’s a shortcut, get busy with learning about the unknown so you don’t fear it and are not anxious about it. The unknown is both everything before you ever were and what will subside when you physically pass from this world.

When  you do, you relinquish the struggle with control and power and give it back to its rightful owner, and make no mistake, that is God, period.

TWO

Secondly, learn how to be alone.

That means occupying yourself with activities that fine tune the frequency of your inner voice, yes even the ones that the quackery of psychiatrists and psychologists have you believing aren’t normal.

We all hear things, we all have inner voices, an ego, a vice that commands at us, entices us to good, evil or both.

Learning how to quell or amplify them is an art and a skill and like all arts and skills they take repetitive engaging in to master. You’ve got grand delusions if you think you can sort yourself out without hours of devotion to your crafts.

Unfortunately, group activities don’t count. Comfort in your own skin and lone time is the only way. Consider it a reset button and dedicate at least 8 to 10 hours a week in total isolation.

THREE

Lastly, expose yourself to dire situations where you are pushed and tested. This can be done in groups or done alone.

In my experience people should partake in a 70/30 split, that is 70 percent of the time doing those dire things alone and 30 percent in a group. They should be physical, spiritual, physiological, and mental.

Examples of physical involve training, sporting endeavours or physical activities that require a high level of output.

The best of them where your physical safety is threatened and I have found no better thing than the fighting arts, be it wrestling, traditional martial arts or boxing.

They involve the greatest violation and the most immediate danger to one’s well being. Getting through the hardships and struggles that come with the aspects of sparring or fighting as well as torturous training if one is dedicated and serious enough, is unmatched.

For the spiritual, it means following with utter sincerity and devotion to the principles of a sound religious practise without fail and if one does fail, they make amends, continue to improve, and resort immediately to re-applying themselves wholeheartedly.

Physiologically, I mean depriving the body of its gluttonous nature. That is, water and food and most especially foods which harm the body, mind and soul.

Further to the normal unhealthy foods one should deprive themselves of, they should make two days a week and at least a month a year by which they totally limit to near nothing the nutrient intake for at least half a day not including sleep time. The benefits of fasting in all it’s applications are too numerous to list and science is in total agreement of the simple ability of fasting to have the most immediate health rewards.

This resets the immune and other physiological systems and keeps unwanted weight off and the mind and body free from ailments.

Lastly the mental. Without a healthy appetite for learning and improving one’s understanding of the world around them, we, as a whole, most especially cerebrally, like all created things wither away. The adage of ‘use it or lose it’, applies to every thing that makes you. Your mind is no exception.

We are vaguely worthy beings at all without a concentrated effort to be a being in the first place, but these simple three things will give you calmness and confidence in life and in all your endeavours.

It is what I teach my children and offer to any ear that is sincere enough and patient enough to listen. It is what I teach my students as their minds are ready to give up in training. It is not for the lazy or procrastinating.

I understand that some people just want to surf waves but some like swimming under water. Others are not satisfied until they’ve dived deep enough to see the ocean floor.

Without judgement or prejudice, you are free to do as you will, but if you’re honest enough, at times, you will struggle and these three simple steps will help you get back on track in no time.

Wesam El dahabi

raise your sons

 

We’re hypocrites,
teaching our children to be humble,
and with the same breath,
showing them how to be attached to things,
this anxiety that we’ve left in our wills,
shall be inherited by them as boulders,
if we don’t quite simply,
practise what we preach,
and release the world from our grasp,
so that it can unshackle us from it slavery.

W.E.

writers block – 4

 

If you need to win the conversation,
you’ve lost the art of communication.

Most people talk at,
instead of to people,
over,
instead of into,
through piercing arrows,
instead of soothing aloe,
and they wonder,
why they are not heard.

And it is no different for a writer,
how can anyone receive your words,
if all you want to do is be read,
if you don’t want to run your fingers through the mind of a reader.

W.E.

Tongue tied guilt

When my lips don’t know how to dance with my tongue,
when my teeth are chattering to an orchestral clamour,
it means there is begging in my mouth,
the echo from with in,
urging, urging, urging,
purging for for a litany of words to be written.

I can do that with my hands,
like building a home,
fixing a car,
fighting a human,
I can imagine things,
manifest them through my limbs with relative ease,
I can write you your own deepest thoughts,
but this mouth meat,
is the gateway to everything that is wrong in the world,
and so I’ll leave it guarded and keep it tied like the rabid dog it is.

Why are these hands so capable though,
and silence such an easy scapegoat,
why is my tongue guilty by default,
with no fair trial at all,
and yet my hands are unshackled and free to do as they please.

It feels as though I’ve bought into it all,
that keeping your mouth shut is so rewardable,
and keeping your hands busy, also rewardable,
a convenience for mediocrity,
insurance for government and society.

Meanwhile, this heart aches to speak out,
they’ve cut my tongue into obedient pieces,
a relationship with God,
slave-hood cloaked as humility,
a closet poet,
a fixer of things only around his immediate circle.

W.E.

CREDIT: Image by Hiroharu Matsumoto

 

dear grief – 25

There it is again,
floating familiarity,
unworthiness and loneliness,
those ever loyal friends.

There’s always the guarantee of silence;
underneath my eyelids,
hearing your sweaty palms ache for a touch,
the ongoing march of my heart,
the lies my mind conjures,
and especially when they all meet,
and truth acts like the reconciliatory scimitar,
and quells all the hurt.

W.E.

introversion – fifty seven

Who would of thought,
they could make a commodity,
out of introversion,
quiet folk lucratively gaining traction,
learning how to hone their art,
monetise themselves,
until they’re just as loud as extroverts.

Awkwardly unsocial,
conveniently clickable,
viral, marketable,
shyness and meekness,
now acceptable.

Everywhere I look it seems that there is no stone they will leave unturned with their data mining. No small corner of anyone’s world that they won’t bring up to the surface, magnify, amplify and like a multi-level-marketing ploy, spread it around like a fad until they have milked the life out of it.

Fuck I feel so out of place and more obscure than ever.

W.E.

it’s not social anxiety

I don’t do social transactions,
a certain awkwardness that echo’s in my bones,
remind me,
ever nostalgic of all that time,
silence became my most loyal friend,
those years where I had to play pretend.

To commit to exchanges of buoyancy,
agreements of mutual detachment,
lying to ourselves that we get along,
in reality using each other for benefit.

I don’t fit well,
because I don’t know how to use people,
and you, ever the socialite,
because you’d tear into your mothers neck,
if it meant acceptance.

I can’t commit, I default,
call me socially bankrupt if you want,
deprive me of any privilege you so desire,
but please remove me from any obligation,
of forced amicability,
for the sake of pseudo civility.

W.E.