How do I feel about Christchurch?

How do I feel about Christchurch?

Indifferent.

I’ve been asked how I feel about the Christchurch massacre. What I gather instead is that I have been asked to feel. That’s not the same. What that really means and then breaks down to is; we want you to feel, even yet again and more precisely; you are being forced to feel.

I don’t take lightly to being forced. I reject any form of it.
I won’t let people or events sway me one way or another.

Call me cold, but I digress to calling it numbness.

I believe people who are swayed so easily by media are in proper reaction mode, and when I say proper, I am not complementing them. They’re proper according to the swayings of what media wants them to feel.

What’s disturbing is people don’t realise it’s yet another sign of the hour coming nearer….

And yet we’re not scared of that.

We’re mortified by an event but aren’t mortified by our insides and what state we’re going to die in at any given moment.

Look at the first person who died.

His last words were ‘salam brother’, he’ll be resurrected in that state.

What is my state? People are asking each other about it , asking how they feel and I don’t feel a thing.

I’m intoxicated in my disgusting state and occupied in it’s disaster. I have my own massacre inside, I have my own atrocities and they’re on a perpetual replay reel. They never stop, I never get to hear the flickering of film at the end of my movie, it’s on constant replay and I am drowning in that. I can’t surface to catch a breath let alone look at the shore or the scenery.

I’m momentarily torn, mainly angry, I cry a tear for but a brief second of recognition, not because these men and women and children lost their lives, but because I’ve still got mine and I’m a walking disaster whilst they were honoured by their Lord to be taken in a worshipping state.

How will I go? Backbiting? Thinking ill thoughts? Hating, angry, lying?

I’m gathering and walking through these states and don’t know if I’ll be taken in one of them. That’s what scares me and should everyone else.

How does anyone know when they will flip the switch, have the devil take them by the hand to commit any of the above mentioned heinous crimes against ourselves? Because ultimately, that’s what the shooter did, he ignored his insides for so long until they took over.

If each of us stopped to fix five of these ugly internal vices a year, just five, then we’d not be having these conversations, feeling these misplaced feelings, have a lot more honour and respect in dealing with each other and truly love one another more.

That’s why I don’t feel, I don’t hashtag or cry for anyone.

I’m too busy, self absorbed in my own sins to hold anyone hostage for theirs.

Wesam El dahabi

The hunter and the hunted

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Don’t believe the hunter

He’s already killed the evidence.

-W.E.

This was inspired by an African Proverb which says

“Until the Lion learns how to write, every story will glorify the hunter”

We have very real problems in our world where the victims are made out to be the perpetrators.

Obviously there are exceptions where the perpetrators are exactly who they are, but plenty of times, societal norms, stereotyping, media, politicians, religious leaders and more will all conveniently twist the truth to suit agendas.

The only thing one can do to circumvent such manipulations is through human interaction. It is by switching off the media and let it die a slow and painful death, much like turning off a life support machine.

If you want to live, truly live, be happy, love people and be loved you have to let go of artificial stimulation. You must disconnect from the fabricated and inorganic mediums of manipulation.

I hear women oft repeat how they want to be loved for who they are on the inside yet they try so hard to wear a mask of who they are on the outside. The media spurs this on ad naseum.  How can he know you if you hide behind a mask? Strip back your layers, whether it literally be excessive make up or facades of personality. Be you, unadulterated. So what if the guy you desire doesn’t like you, is he really then the guy of your desire? I guarantee you the guy who likes you bare will be the one who will make you happy.

I see men, confused, unable to express their emotions, because it’s not the image they’re taught to express. They don’t know how to compliment a woman without making her feel like an object. They don’t know how to make her blush with bashfulness just with kindness and well intended gestures because the music and media they are raised with pushes a false bravado of Alpha on to them when in reality they whimper at the shadows of their soul, at their ego commanding wretched desires, anger, hate, envy, showing off, excessive misplaced lust and lack of chivalry and honour to name a few. All this precipitates into a cowardice that manifests fast in the thick of battle of their egotistical affairs or worldly matters or more importantly, their inner world which they fail to recognise they have.

Make no mistake,  you’d be doing yourself a grand favour by disconnecting, by never listening to media. By never cheerleading fear mongerers and learning how to shut down bigots and haters.

It’s your mind, your soul, your life, your choice…….. yes you do have a choice!

Have you ever thought?

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Have you ever thought,

Asthma might be an allergy to breathing?
Because despite the ‘no, no there’s no proof’ from doctors,
my eyes don’t lie and my heart knows better,
this shit wasn’t as prevalent in my youth….
No, once every now and then you’d hear about an asthmatic.
Not every second child needed beta agonist’s
to do what their lungs were meant to do.
Not every second child was banned from having a peanut butter sandwich
because of fear they’d break out in a rash or worse choke from asphyxiation,

There’s that breathing again.

Wait stop, they can’t even be around a child that is having a peanut butter sandwich?
No they can’t even be around a child that didn’t have a peanut butter sandwich
but may have been around another child that had a peanut butter sandwich.
Have you ever thought about this?
Have you ever thought about why boys can’t even have a chocolate bar
even if it doesn’t have nuts in it but may have been produced in a factory that also processes food with nuts?

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!

Vaccination,
Medication,
Medicalisation,
Indoctrination,
Legalisation of forced inoculations,
Owned by corporations,
Creating patients of mass consummation,
Inflammation,
of organisms,
Brains and bellies and central nervous systems,
For what?
Sterilisation?
Control of population?
Americanisation?
Systemisation?
Engineering of civilisation?

It’s a scary situation.

Have you ever thought,

Blindness might be a mercy from seeing?
Because seeing bodies discarded and severed by shrapnel,
Is just as bad as swallowing
a capsule,
a mouth full ,
an ear full,
a gut full,
of hateful,
enticement through media rich-imagery that’s spiteful,
inciteful,
designed to excite you,
and at the same time scare you,
have you swayed like a pendulum, – un-remorseful,
No it’s not normal,
for it not to move you.
So what use are your eyes if this is what you see?
When they’re disconnected from the organ that inspires you,
to good, to beauty, to love, to sorrow, to pain, to forgiving… to you?

Have you ever thought,

Deafness is ease from hearing?
Listening to the gossip,
the lies,
the screams of what eyes,
were closed for but the ears could not escape,
the sound of souls extracted as death comes to take,
the innocent cries of motherless children taken in Gods sake,
the shrills of a woman being raped,
the sounds of fathers sobs over coffin drapes,
Its not a mistake,
the ears are not meant to partake,
in this senseless heartache,
this is stuff no soul should be burdened to take.

Have you ever thought,

That your thoughts were not yours,
Just rallied up scores,
Of effects and cause,
Like the deceit of the Moores,
April fools trickery of war,
Outlaws,
Mining your minds for flaws,
Just so their profit shares can soar,
To sell your habits like whores
To the highest bidder with more,
More money than clause,
So they can keep steering those thoughts,
as they please,
making you believe,
You’re free to conceive,
To achieve,
to retrieve,
Thinking memories you recollect are fact,
But if you retract
and delve a little deeper,
realise they planted that seed right from the start and you’ve been an asset,
a keeper
and been doing nothing more than responding to the carrot that’s dangled,
I can hear you all quip,
‘That’s a bit far fangled’.

Then again,

Have you ever thought?

-ME