Introversion isn’t an inability to socialise,
communicate, or come out of my shell,
it’s a choice not to.
When you are not overwhelmed, influenced or feel the need to conform to the social behaviours, to the appropriated practises and often mechanical actions of the rest of people around you, when you don’t feel the pressure to be a certain way to please others or fit into their comfortable habits, you become a subconscious agitation in many uncomprehending minds.
It’s the irreconcilable idea that you have the ability to overcome anxious desires to be around others and can do it alone. It’s not social anxiety at all, it’s the opposite for a true introvert. It’s the ability to not be lured by anxiety to any extent and carry on your own way without even batting an eye.
But do you know what it takes to be like that?
Yes you can be born with stubborn resolve and an ability to see things beyond the average person, to overcome otherwise paralysing and habitual ways to respond to stimulus. But it also means there are things you must learn and train yourself in, things you practise and grind repetitively, things you drill ad nauseum, revisit and keep drilling. It requires discipline you don’t wane from, and that path is stoic and noble. It’s dignified and shows character that frightens people who haven’t got the balls to grind it out.
Big goals, huge targets and all that go getter stuff,
the motivational speaker snake oil,
the performance coach mantras,
all do fuck all if you don’t comprehend the reality and meaning of it all.
The purpose of a larger than life goal is to understand your smallness,
not to mantra dumb shit.
It’s to make humility your staple,
to show you how insignificant you are in the grand scheme of things.
And here we are,
2019 and cunts with a vocabulary that doesn’t extend past their thumbs are telling you that you matter so much.
Well you don’t,
you’re gonna die and rot with the best of them,
because guess what,
as we said,
the world is bigger than you and doesn’t care for your insignificance.
does that mean you become a hopeless despot?
Have those fuck off big goals but in the right context.
Know your worth doesn’t mean you’re worth alot,
it means know how worthless you are amongst the sea of other worthless beings that will all find their allotted time waiting for them.
if you want to live your life from one post and feed to the next,
one update and story to the next,
panting for the next drip feed,
then suck it up and eat the pain that comes with it.
I call your beauty and raise you ugliness.
Gather your horses of hate,
I have a waterhole of love,
they’ll eventually have to drink from.
I’ll outstrip you in patience,
and know you’ll come full circle,
back to oblivion,
as to why you floundered,
knee deep in ignorance and regret,
panting just like your horse.
-Wesam El dahabi
We’re most certainly not on the same page,
your flailing and erratic disproportion,
is no mantle for a man,
Alone is still the best
Especially when it feels like you’re being chewed on,
and I’m no morsel for fetishes,
not especially for men of ingratitude,
nor women of lust.
#lifesaver @morning.owl this arvo
I didn’t plan this, but I wish I had.
If I had, then I could have arrived much earlier.
Many a breath would I have saved,
many a wasted heart beat,
a dry mouth.
Perhaps I could have not wrestled with so many souls,
with so many egos,
with my own ego.
One of the greatest changes,
I have ever experienced,
is feeling the urge to answer everything,
to not wanting to answer a soul
Perhaps finding You,
means tasting everything that isn’t You,
Your largesse, although not never in need,
is only experienced through my faculty,
by what minuscule it comprehends.