Introversion – seven

introversion7

 

The trap within myself

is liberation from you

-W.E.

Because some of us choose this way.
We don’t hate you, we don’t think anything of you.
No it’s not self absorption, it’s a preference of company.
There are plenty of people that will find you amusing, love you, adore you and can’t live without you.
We can’t live without ourselves, our inner life, our inner voices. The cities and kingdoms we build within. It’s too hard to leave that world and be content in yours, there’s or anyone’s but our own.

Don’t be offended, accept us the way we are, or better yet, reject us, we’re happy either way.

The Wall

the wall

My size precedes me.
Say my name and people envision a hard time. A large guy with an ability to talk, conviction backed by brutality backed by humility, now there’s something to ponder over.
‘They can’t exist together’, you say.
Stereotypes of what should or shouldn’t be swarm your mind,
Overwhelm you until your mind collapses,
Your spirit bent over and I knee it to its head.
Beads of sweat fountain out of you,
Buts it’s not sweat,
It’s ignorance,
It’s arrogance, it’s your prejudice,
It’s your lack of compassion.
I built this body on purpose! Not for show, but for purpose.
I can verbose with you ad naseum about the health benefits,
How I will outlive live the average person, how I can crush the average person, albeit all in a perfect world.
But the reason I built it, I have come to discover is to keep you all away, I had to dig that one out on my own.
Whilst your fingers jab away at keyboards,
You comment and opine,
You sit your behind,
You snort the cathartic line
Of social approval, conformist, online.
I learned to close my fists, feeling it viscerally,
Neck pulsating,
Jugular vibrating,
Heart palpating,
Perpetrating,
Violence on flesh,
The real kind,
That’s done and dusted when one of us falls,
I don’t care for your flaws,
Man up and own them all,
Look up from the screen to see past the scores.
And multitudes of panderist’s, of safety network enforcers, of appeasers and cheer leaders.
Some people swear they are introverts,
Swear they like being alone but their guard is down.
I see their body language. They invite you all in willingly.
They don’t have the requisite guarded posture of an introvert.
Stay the fuck away from me. I’m pleasant, left alone.
Don’t come knocking and expect a half arsed attempt of insincere welcome.
Don’t come knocking expecting me to tell you my life’s grievances or what I heard or what I did on the weekend.
Don’t come knocking expecting cordiality and mutual acceptance if there is something I disagree with.
Really, I’m this big because I want to keep you away,
For your own sake, not mine.
Part of it is Gods work, I didn’t choose this height.
Maybe HE wants you to keep away.
However, the width and girth is my work.
The ability to fight you off with ease,
The ability to challenge your mind and break you down with my incessant pestering at the obsessive, compulsive details because you’re only happy if we only lament the surface trivialities,
Yeah, that’s my work too.
So step up,
Step up if you have the gall,
Talk to me, I dare you to climb the wall.
Maybe if you did,  you’d be let inside and realise this large cavity I have created was to be able to house as many of you,
Safely,
Securely and passionately.
Yes there is a wall, it’s high but if you have claws and feet, you can climb in, come over that wall, and be secure within its confines.
Maybe I purposely built it that high to only allow those with real drive, with sincere intentions inside.

Know, my sons.

code for my boys

Know my sons, men have codes.

Bravery is calling fear a liar.

Courage is proving fear a liar.

Chivalry, is knowing when to use courage or bravery.

Nobility is having the fortitude to follow through your conviction in both.

Honour is not straying from the code.

Honesty is the light that the code is illumed by

Truth is the gnawing at the soul that flat lines your ego.

Love is the energy that fuels all.

I hope that whatever I teach you or whatever I leave behind become firm foundations for you to build mountains upon and your progeny to build mountains on but no matter how mountainous you all may become, you remain grounded in the valleys of humility,

with people,

serving them,

being exemplar with the codes of being men,

of being human.

Do not forget that to be harsh when it is needed even in the face of relentless scrutiny is far nobler than laxity to please the lazy folk,

the unmotivated,

the detached,

the deprived of soul.

Know that kindness and gentleness in the face of a storm of violence and ridicule is more praiseworthy than siding with the masses.

Do not slip boys,

Hold to each other,

Hold to the above codes.

-ME

Deprived of rest

A man who pretends to be the king of his business better be prepared to share the spoils of war with his men.
Hear ye narcissist,
Nay, here, ye narcissist.
That is of course what you want to hear.
Were it not for your ability to make others see your reflection,
Then your image would not have blinded you from realising that all along,
They let you keep your spoils because of understanding just how much you could not stand yourself.
They saw your pain, your emptiness, your discontent and let you have it all.
But of course, you’re the king and they the subservient.
You did nothing at all but a wink alludes you,
Whilst they rest their brow after a days toil.

 

Living….

Not my allegory, story or anecdote but a brilliant read.

A boat was docked in a tiny Mexican fishing village.

A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and… asked how long it took to catch them.

“Not very long” they answered in unison.

“Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?”

The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.

“But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

“We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs.
We have a full life.”

The tourist interrupted, “I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.”

“And after that?”

“With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. 
Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City!!! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise.”

“How long would that take?”

“Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years.” replied the tourist.

“And after that?”

“Afterwards? Well my friend, that’s when it gets really interesting,” answered the tourist, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!”

“Millions? Really? And after that?” asked the fishermen.

“After that you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends.”

“With all due respect sir, but that’s exactly what we are doing now. So what’s the point wasting twenty-five years?” asked the Mexicans.

And the moral of this story is:

Know where you’re going in life, you may already be there! Many times in life, money is not everything.

“Live your life before life becomes lifeless”

Garden of the content

contentment

How long you walk in the depravity of excess determines your ability to find the solace of the garden of contentment.
How does one explain what that garden is, how do I describe the tranquillity with words that are not a unit of measure for the scientifically minded, for the logically minded, for the absent minded to comprehend? I cannot.

Ali, the son in law and cousin of the Prophet Muhammad peace and blessing be upon him said ‘Contentment is a treasure chest that never vanquishes’. For one to comprehend this, one has to understand their own nature, their hidden desire or former desire to covet, acquire and amass.

Who wouldn’t love to have riches on end? Never worrying about wealth ever diminishing? To comprehend that means to have been in need either via dire circumstance or via ulterior greed and dissatisfaction. In such a predicament, satisfaction and satiation is never present. One always wants more or at least more than what one currently has, whether it is to remove discomfort of bad circumstance or to remove discomfort of dissatisfaction. The later, far more blameworthy than the former. The later is what the above quote is referring to more than the former although both are blameworthy if they subdue one’s spiritual ascension and worse yet leave one dissatisfied with their lot or what has been assigned to them.

Deprivation can serve us in a very rewarding manner if we consciously acknowledge it’s prestigious station rather than looking grimly at our lot and looking bleakly with mundane substance to the future and planning for material consumption until it overcomes our basal natures, that is to be free of all things and subservient and obedient only to God. When you can do that, the garden awaits both in this world and the next.

Contentment

content

Contentment is a cup of tea in silence to the whirlwind of complaints of your ego.

Contentment is the Bedouin who proclaims ‘It is written’ when sand fills his eyes, destroys his flock, or ravishes his home.

Contentment is the smile after the amputee wakes up knowing full well they won’t run again.

Contentment is little Hassan, running in the street with his kite in between shelling sessions.

Contentment is a husband telling his wife she made a hearty meal even when he disproves.

Contentment is saying thank you Lord, even when you’ve lost everything you own.

Contentment is beginning a meal with praise and ending in praise without ever throwing a mouthful away.

Contentment is the little boy who sees his father’s struggle to make ends meet and holds his tongue from asking for the latest toy.

Contentment is the man, full of ideas, full of dreams, holding himself back from those very things in order to provide for his family.

Contentment is the happiness you feel when someone else achieves success through the fruits of your labour.

Contentment is the cup of black water you drink with a smile whilst others die of thirst.

Contentment is a lot of things, insert your belief here but the Prophet Muhammad said it best when he described contentment as a treasure chest that never vanquishes. To elucidate that point, the most vile thing a human can do is to be a miser with their gratitude, to be ill content. A prominent Shaykh of our time said: “The punishment of the people who are malcontent, is the way they are.The believer emulates the examples set forth by his Almighty Master who commences his most noble book with Alhamdullillah, All praise is due to Allah.”

Therein are signs for those who reflect – Quran 45:13