Don’t listen to psychologists trying to box you into categories of being, categories of feeling, categories of your mental state.
You can think someone is a total fuckwit and genuinely care for them.
You can hate an attribute of your spouse with enough rage to want to punch them in the throat yet settle to spooning at night.
You can think people are total idiots in their life and still be utterly attracted to something about them you can’t put your finger on.
You can feel fifty shades of fucked and still be normal.
The idea that your feelings should be contained and ostracised, cut down and pruned to suit an idea of normal, that a long dead looney fantasised is normal a hundred and fifty years ago is total and utter bullshit.
What’s abnormal is not ever being taught how to carry yourself with dignity irrespective of those feelings and instead use that feeling or state to justify shitty behaviour.
Feel more, think less about it,
but act proper for fucks sake.
I’m patient like that.
Where others will demand and hold you to account,
I know vulnerability waits for a soul to be ripe with sincerity before it spreads itself,
before it undresses.
I know that if I bottle my anxiety and show a face of indifference,
I run the risk of losing many,
but the ones that see with the eye of their heart also know me from a thousand thousands.
I’m patient like that,
because I know where I’m from and how I’ve travelled to be here is beyond just forty two years of worldly existence.
I’m not just matter and that’s what matters,
but I never let that matter to the point that it’s all that matters.
We matter said no one of intelligence and worth except who think their lives are but a series of what people owe them.
I’m still patient for them.
Waiting for their poems to undo themselves.
I’m always a poem away from myself.
What ego looks like.
You can feed it or fight it.
Sever the serpent or slay the dragon.
Give in to being overwhelmed,
you’ll be overwhelmed either way.
The reality is,
choice is only a comfort idea.
The mature person knows,
it’s a thing ordained.
Is it hopeless?
rather, it allows you to focus on what’s important.
Image Credit: Brandon Kidwell
Introversion isn’t an inability to socialise,
communicate, or come out of my shell,
it’s a choice not to.
When you are not overwhelmed, influenced or feel the need to conform to the social behaviours, to the appropriated practises and often mechanical actions of the rest of people around you, when you don’t feel the pressure to be a certain way to please others or fit into their comfortable habits, you become a subconscious agitation in many uncomprehending minds.
It’s the irreconcilable idea that you have the ability to overcome anxious desires to be around others and can do it alone. It’s not social anxiety at all, it’s the opposite for a true introvert. It’s the ability to not be lured by anxiety to any extent and carry on your own way without even batting an eye.
But do you know what it takes to be like that?
Yes you can be born with stubborn resolve and an ability to see things beyond the average person, to overcome otherwise paralysing and habitual ways to respond to stimulus. But it also means there are things you must learn and train yourself in, things you practise and grind repetitively, things you drill ad nauseum, revisit and keep drilling. It requires discipline you don’t wane from, and that path is stoic and noble. It’s dignified and shows character that frightens people who haven’t got the balls to grind it out.
Big goals, huge targets and all that go getter stuff,
the motivational speaker snake oil,
the performance coach mantras,
all do fuck all if you don’t comprehend the reality and meaning of it all.
The purpose of a larger than life goal is to understand your smallness,
not to mantra dumb shit.
It’s to make humility your staple,
to show you how insignificant you are in the grand scheme of things.
And here we are,
2019 and cunts with a vocabulary that doesn’t extend past their thumbs are telling you that you matter so much.
Well you don’t,
you’re gonna die and rot with the best of them,
because guess what,
as we said,
the world is bigger than you and doesn’t care for your insignificance.
does that mean you become a hopeless despot?
Have those fuck off big goals but in the right context.
Know your worth doesn’t mean you’re worth alot,
it means know how worthless you are amongst the sea of other worthless beings that will all find their allotted time waiting for them.
if you want to live your life from one post and feed to the next,
one update and story to the next,
panting for the next drip feed,
then suck it up and eat the pain that comes with it.
I call your beauty and raise you ugliness.