Introversion isn’t an inability to socialise,
communicate, or come out of my shell,
it’s a choice not to.
When you are not overwhelmed, influenced or feel the need to conform to the social behaviours, to the appropriated practises and often mechanical actions of the rest of people around you, when you don’t feel the pressure to be a certain way to please others or fit into their comfortable habits, you become a subconscious agitation in many uncomprehending minds.
It’s the irreconcilable idea that you have the ability to overcome anxious desires to be around others and can do it alone. It’s not social anxiety at all, it’s the opposite for a true introvert. It’s the ability to not be lured by anxiety to any extent and carry on your own way without even batting an eye.
But do you know what it takes to be like that?
Yes you can be born with stubborn resolve and an ability to see things beyond the average person, to overcome otherwise paralysing and habitual ways to respond to stimulus. But it also means there are things you must learn and train yourself in, things you practise and grind repetitively, things you drill ad nauseum, revisit and keep drilling. It requires discipline you don’t wane from, and that path is stoic and noble. It’s dignified and shows character that frightens people who haven’t got the balls to grind it out.
I didn’t plan this, but I wish I had.
If I had, then I could have arrived much earlier.
Many a breath would I have saved,
many a wasted heart beat,
a dry mouth.
Perhaps I could have not wrestled with so many souls,
with so many egos,
with my own ego.
One of the greatest changes,
I have ever experienced,
is feeling the urge to answer everything,
to not wanting to answer a soul
Perhaps finding You,
means tasting everything that isn’t You,
Your largesse, although not never in need,
is only experienced through my faculty,
by what minuscule it comprehends.
Being alone is only quietude to the outer world.
In reality there is nothing quiet about being alone.
Your mind is amplified, and the cacophony of noise is deafening.
Your soul begins to speak to your heart and the conversation is loud and outrageous.
The difference is, you choose the music, the setting, the volume and intensity.
If people who are outwardly loud knew the inside of us, they’d flee in terror.
-Wesam El dahabi
Irrespective of natural predisposition to introversion,
for some of us, it becomes a conscious choice.
Unbound by what nature wants,
we forge our way inwards past its reservations for us,
to kingdoms of our own accord.
The folly is not on one who lives there,
imaginary as it may be,
but for the one who hasn’t the conceivability,
who hasn’t the will.
You can’t double tap or swipe this into existence.
There is a method,
there is a way,
there’s the grueling of loneliness,
when you have so much to say.
When did my skin become real estate for anxiety,
and this world fool me to its allure?
When did my tongue choose the way so cowardly,
and my way become so impure?
My lips haven’t moved, and tongue hasn’t faltered,
yet still I’m victim to mediocrity,
my hands are frozen, my heart become hardened,
left bereft and abandoned without cure.
Living in the past is depression,
in the future; anxiety,
in the immediacy of satiation,
You assume fulfilment,
and forget it causes mediocrity.
You question your predicament,
and envy the comfort of others.
Where is your recognition,
of all the lowly and base things?
spat with ingratitude,
have become shackles around your ankles.
Had God willed, he would give you in your entirety to the world and you could not contain your condition, and beg for pardon to be returned to being a recluse.
Don’t assume your condition is bad for you, it could be that it is saving you from worse.
To beg to be understood,
to pant and pander for the approval of people,
is akin to sleeping with dogs.
The world and all that is in has no value,
so what then of the opinion of its inhabitants?
Only the feeble wait for recognition.
I have no patience for those who prostitute their character in favour of status.
Nor those who like children wait for every praise,
I don’t care an iota for myself,
what then makes you think I would care for you?
Leave this wayfarer alone,
leave him abandoned and in search,
lost in the wonder of discovery,
alone in solitude,
drowning in reform.
-Wesam El dahabi
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power. – Abraham Lincoln