This is the part I buckle. Describing myself? What an egotistical drain!
I dreaded it at school when I was a child, I dreaded it in high school as a teenager and I dreaded it into adult life at job interviews.
Describe myself….pffff what the fuck is that shit meant to mean? Who asks such preposterous shallow questions? I know! Someone who really isn’t interested in getting to know you but would rather box you into a category of acceptance or rejection.
But what if I could be one thing one minute, totally twist your mind and wrap it around me in utter jealous, protective rage, causing you to want that particular side of me to yourself in mad possessive neuroticism (yeah I made that word up, so what?).
But in the flick of a topic switch, I be the epitome of utter disgust and evil for you?
I can evolve in a minute if you convince me against my beliefs. I’m a mutant if you will. There…. how’s that for a description? I’m liquid mercury, water, spilled blood and lava all in one.
Fact is, I struggle with this because I am never one thing, always changing, able to do many things.
If you must, maybe a description of what I do will describe me more than me telling you who I am.
I write, read, draw, (paint and play music once upon a time), build things, am utterly devoted to spiritual and mental development and am a total adrenaline junkie through sipping of a cup of tea! Yep, I have never done drugs, not even a cigarette nor even a liquor lolly let alone alcohol, but I can get high sipping a cup of boiled leaves or swirling a double ristretto on my palate will get me right off!
They’re things I do regularly. The other constant in my life is physical torture. I can’t even call it training or exercise because I am an utter sadist, with a barbarian mindset, always on my toes, psychopathic perhaps, paranoid and always with my left hand fist clenched creating ‘what if scenarios’ whilst my right hand is open palmed and ready to shake your hand…….it will, inevitably be your choice not mine as I won’t make the first move.
What I write are mostly musings or thoughts ideas about religion, dilemmas and philosophy. I’m an expert in nothing at all and will never claim to be. Just a loud mind and ever pondering soul and writing is my way of calming it’s torrential seas.
So I have a little fisherman’s boat floating around in there and I pluck words from that sea, try to make them coherent and pen them down.
I hope you enjoy them or hate them, either way you’re reading them and it will help you solidify your own ideas in contrast to mine or accept mine and blend them into your life somehow.
As for personal things, I enjoy and revel in my privacy as you may have guessed from my alias. I find it very hard to tell people ultra personal things so prefer not to divulge unless I am acquainted well with you. That way I can offer you the same level of intimacy and respect you deserve.