Introversion – seventy nine
and light that leaks in.
At times, I don’t even want to share myself with furniture.
Solitude with all the groans of a house is enough,
an intimacy of unspeakable proportions.
Ghosts of longing that open and close doors as they wish,
secrets that don’t pass their lips.
This house has an echo of women who have clawed at my skin for a piece of my soul,
ironically making me turn further inwards to flee from myself,
stay somewhere that I can control.
This light that leaks in,
a reminder that I have fissures that open without warning,
bursting with unspeakable sin.
Let this be a warning to my heart,
don’t let them near you,
remain in that room alone!
Insist on your intuition over their appetite,
insist on your vision over their illusions,
insist on your solitude over their lust,
sit in so much stillness,
alone in that empty room,
and be one with the dust.
The souls that endear you will inevitably be near you,
without formality and necessity for introduction,
we were created from an ether in the pre-world,
our souls will always find each other in this world and the next.
Am I selfish for not wanting to share myself?
The gist of tye above poem is an apology of sorts,
try as I may, I often disappear into myself,
ironically away from my Self.
That oft gnawing awareness of the faults you harbour,
that slip between your fingers of guilty frivolity,
drowns you in a tug of war,
of second guessing yourself,
and that’s why I recluse,
it becomes a bit too much to swathe in a world of ‘sureness’, people vying to be the first one to be right.
What does it matter who gets to the end first,
if the journey was filled with dishonourable disregard.
There is a way,
I believe it to be quietude and seclusion,
introversion and accountability,
a slowing down rather than speeding up.
I’ve found myself just as many times as I have veered off the path,
only in the cocoon of solitude,
only ever alone.
I have never read of a man of worth or a woman of magnitude that has needed the masses to prop them up and I think it is deep in that wisdom we can find what society so desperately needs.
I will put this post up on my stories as a poll,
I’d like to hear your comments below on the above, even if in private.