-vows

vows
-vows

I don’t have ball in my throat
I have a boulder in my neck
A mountain on my back
A planet in my prostate

My universe has always imploded
And now the residue is about to find its way out
Into streams of hurt and rivers of torture
This gap is so wide to walk around

How, how do I not fall
Not choke
Not crumble under the weight
Not gasp and quake

How ever do I knead the mend into my being
When the one ingredient needed to make this soul rise
Is you

How, can this colon heal
When I felt your absence all those years ago

I held on
I held on for so long

Do you know how hard it is
To use food as a bandage
And pretend all is well

Easy to swallow
Hard for it to find it’s way
And fill the gap of your attention being diverted

Cancer doesn’t just visit one randomly
Something has to die one way or the other
Perhaps lose someone
Until cancer becomes the intimate lover

Thus it embraced me with its claws
Gnashed it’s teeth into me thirty years ago
And I’ve worn its wedding ring ever since

Now we celebrate our vows
In sickness and in health, till death do us part

My colon has burst
My kidneys have rotted
I’m a man apart
Cancer, has my heart

W.E.

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