-when huwa huwa takes over
be, as though you never were
be, because He never wasnt
be as though you never have
be, because He never hasn’t
i, am not what i think i am
i am, what i think i am not
i’ll be, as though it always is
because He never isn’t
strange vultures of longing hover over what?
burst open you stubborn seed
so that i may spread in the belly of the bee
and rather than a vulture waiting for a carcass
i can be soil waiting for pollen.
maybe it is the season
of life that inspires this.
virgin awakenings to what is fragrant and beautiful
bashful stirrings of butterfly’s
anxious innocence of a love that is too grand for one.
i’ve felt these pangs since I could breathe
and they visit me over and over
fifteen, fifteen and fifteen
perpetually until forty.
and now they haunt me
daily reminders of how i am meant to be
jolts of lightening igniting ignorance
exchanging it for remembrance.
forgive me my Love,
I long for thee down to the pits of me
but why, did You create this world
and keep You from me
except it spurts of sporadity
coming when i am lured by the stench
of pungent mortality.
This world is not for us
it cannot be,
when He is He,